tights

Tights are cool.  But I’ve got beef with tights. We’ve had a rollercoaster relationship, but at the moment we are halfway down a rickety hill. When I was forced to wear them to church growing up, the first thing I did when I got home was rip them off immediately. But now, I love them, and I hate them. I think they look great with just about any dress or skirt for winter warmth, but I’ve got a huge problem. After an average 1-2 wears, I get some kind of hole in them. How am I supposed to justify buying an accessory for one-time use in my budget? I can’t. I don’t know if it’s that my toe nail catches them, the velcro from my rain jacket finds my tight covered knee, or if I just am not careful enough when I wear them, but it is very unfortunate the limited use that I get from a pair of tights. So, I am standing up for women everywhere saying, “We are tired of being careful when we wear tights! We want the liberty to fall down on the sidewalk, hit our leg on the corner of our door, and not worry about having to cut our toenails so short that they bleed in fear of tight ripping!” Look how good, but nervous she looks:

There needs to be solution. And I’ve found one. Disposable, biodegradable tights.  You read it right. These one-time wear tights will give you the right to strut freely, without a tear care, knowing you have the power to dispose those tights at any moment without thinking, “oh man, I paid $15.50 for those!” So, the concept is as follows: The tights are made at a cheaper cost, with less material than usual, so they can sell for the low price of $1.50 per pair. There might even be a tight vending machine somewhere. There will be all colors, patterns, and styles, but all at this low price. They will be made to be biodegradable (scientists help me out with this formula) so that right when you tear them, no matter where you are, you can throw them out without feeling bad.

Situation: You’re driving in your car, your ring catches your tight and forms a big run right above your knee. 
Reaction: At the next stop light, remove the tights, wrap the banana peel from your backseat in them, and throw them out the window. They are, after all, biodegradable.  

 Situation: You’re about to give a huge presentation at work to your boss’s boss, but you realized that in your last bathroom break your fake nail punctured your tights mid-calf.
Reaction: No biggie, you have a back up pair in your purse cause they only cost $1.50!! Tell your assistant to plant them in her garden.

 Having these tights would create a peace of mind like never before. You could buy about 10 pairs of biodegradable tights for less than what you would pay for those regular ones. And let’s be honest, has anyone ever gotten 10 wears out of one pair of tights? Unlikely, unless only your feet are showing. Plus, statistics show that 25% of every landfill is covered in tights (possibly). Now that is a shame. Let’s get on this. I can count at LEAST 50 pairs of tights in this picture: 

tap

I saw this show when I was in high school and ever since then I have wanted to be a tap dancer on Broadway.  I am slowing pursuing this dream through my bi-weekly adult tap classes. I want my feet to move so much more quickly than they actually do- so fast that fire comes from my tap shoes. And then I could incorporate fire safety into my routine. People would pay big money for that.  If you are wondering what my recital would look like from a distance, picture something like this:

 

Also, on my billing I would spell fire differently. It would be something like,

” Chrissy’s Fiyah Tap Show- stopping, dropping, and rolling into your hometown.”

t9

I love t9 texting.

I am getting REALLY good at it and hope someday to perfect it. I know for all of you smart phone users out there, t9 is a thing of the past. But my slick, throw it into a wall and it would stick, battery lasts 2 hours, dropped it over 70 times RAZR does not have a touch screen keyboard. Here is a picture of my cellular:

Okay, this isn’t my exact phone, but 4 years and 12 days ago this phone was state of the art and coveted by every Dolce and Gabbana Richie Rich out there. In 2006 this phone cost $226.75. With gas at .98 cents a gallon that year, how do they expect us to pay that much for a razr? Mine is the simple silver beaut.

Anyways, I looked up the inventor of t9 texting and according the ChaCha, his name is Nathan Barry.

So, as you can probably guess, he wasn’t this age when he invented t9 and this might not even be the real t9 Nathan Barry… he’s just the guy that first popped up under google images. I sure hope it’s him, though, cause it would make me like t9 even more, mainly because how he causually placed his texting fingers in the picture so that we would know that those hands are magical.

Well, the real reason I like t9 is because after you finish typing a text, and you don’t look back to correct the t9 errors, some funny sentences can be created. I propose that we have “Don’t Correct Your T9 day!” It’s like a game to figure out what the person really wanted to say, which will be highly frustrating and time consuming, but equally hilarious. Maybe I will even create my own t9 language.

Car will mean abs

dog will mean fog

gas will mean hap (short for happy)

Good start. This new language is gonna take off like wild fire.

RIP

This entry is dedicated to two very special fish, Trax and TJ (trax jr)

“We used to have a betta named Trax

That is until we got lax

We loved him truly and fed him well

until the day we saw his bell(y)

His water was dirty and needed a clean

The shock killed trax and I felt mean

He sunk to the bottom all blue and limp

He looked like such a pathetic wimp

We know he wasn’t cause he was cool

I thought someday I could give him his own pool!

Then we got a betta named tj

He lasted just a bit over a day

longer than that, but it felt brief

his life was but a blowing leaf

christmas break was really long

to not have a bite to nibble on

So rest in peace my two dear fish

For y’all that is my only wish”

So glad I can get this in SC now.

chrissy versus wild

I’ve been in this arm wrestling kick lately where I get the random urge to challenge people to an arm wrestle. Before that, I went through a cartwheel phase where I would get the urge to cartwheel into people at full speed. Okay, it really was a cartwheel phase, but it wasn’t meant to be towards anyone. Before the cartwheel phase it was a handstand phase. So, only recently has it turned competitive.

So, then I started thinking about if  I had to really fight, not just arm wrestle people, if I would win.

Things that I have to my advantage

1. When stuff falls off my desk, I catch it before it hits the ground. Conclusion: Cat like reflexes.

2. I win lots of staring contests. Conclusion: I have the drive to win.

3. I am extremely inflexible. Conclusion: Hard for my opponent to bend me in unfavorable positions.

With all that said, I love people so I think it would be really hard to fight one. But then I saw Bear ( on Man vs. Wild) fighting a wild boar and that sparked the idea for me to fight ANIMALS!!

These are the animals I think I could fight and conquer:

You may not know, but this is an ostrich. Since they have small heads all I would have to do is use advantage #1 on my list to cover his eyeballs and tie his neck in a knot. Victory.

Next up, baby tasmanian devils. Since they are young ones, they probably don’t turn into tornadoes as quickly as they do when they are adults, so by using advantage # 2, with a little patience, I think these taz’s are mine. Victory.

Well, we all know why I would beat this animal. I laughed out loud SO  hard when I saw this picture. I need to not fight, but own and socialize this animal.

airplane

We’ll start with a little multiple choice:

My FAVORITE thing about getting on an airplane is

a. meeting the flight attendants.

b. tickling my stranger seatmate.

c. reading Sky Mall magazine.

d. finding the closest emergency exit and counting how many seats I have to feel in the aisle until I take a left or right if the cabin is smokey and I can’t see anything. (avg # 7)

e. when the flight attendant closes the thin, cheap curtain to separate us business class lowlifes from the first class bourgeoisie.(I understand they don’t want to be asked for donations from the needy.)

If you said the answer was C, you are CORRECT!! I love Sky Mall magazine. It is filled with ingenious inventions that are perfect for people who can’t decide what to spend their money on.

“Oh man, it’s the end of the year, and we have extra money. Rover has been getting pissed he can’t see into the neighbor’s yard… you know…I did see this thing:”

“Excellent, and I have been worried about Buster riding in the car. We should probably get him this:”

“And I have been wanting to work out my brain, so I am going to get this telekinetic obstacle course:”

 All of these things really can be purchased from Sky Mall magazine. Last minute gift ideas: 1 year subscription.

Just for the record, if you answered d or e for the multiple choice, you were also very right.

hamster prison

Last night we watched a movie in the park of downtown Greenville, A Christmas Story. Well, I’d never seen it before and it was pretty entertaining. 

Since this is a fashion blog, I wore the following:

socks, onesie pajamas, sweatpants, sweatshirt, fur enlaced jacket, old tennies

Well, we know that the night was good cause I arrived on the scene with a chicken baja gordita and nachos bell grande  in hand and was refreshed afterwards with some awesome cider whit had made.  She made it with mulling spices which you can purchase lots of places. You put the spices in a ball which( **might be confused as a tiny hamster prison) and then lower it into apple juice on a stove in order to create perfection.

The chain is so you can attach it to your belt loop and walk around with your hamster.

** If you do put your hamster in it for fun, don’t boil him/her in apple juice. The cider would taste weird.

lottery

My friend at work said that if she won the lottery she would quit her job and be a lifeguard during the summer at the beach. This does not make sense to me. Because the reason she said she liked it was because she likes sun and water, but if you won the lottery you could do that without the pressure of saving lives, scary undertoes, and wearing a tight red one piece bathing suit. BUT you may get to work with this stud:

 

 

 

“Hey Nicole, time for training. We’ll start with the basics: growing a nice patch of chest hair and sucking your stomach in as you turn to the perfect angle for any photo op.”

treehouse of wood

I love log cabin. My dream would be to have a log cabin tree house where I could park my giant recreational vehicle underneath it. It would most likely have a fireman pole that would drop down directly into the driver seat of the RV. I could make a little sunroof directly above and leave it open for emergency getaways. The pole would stop about a foot above the RV so I could free fall into my oversized leather driver seat. Of course I will have a driver on duty, so once I drop into my control seat I can go back and start to play a crazy card game of war with whoever I have as a guest in my RV. The reason I will first drop into the driver seat is to let everyone on board know that I can drive if I want to, because I am an excellent driver, but that I choose not to. It’s a respect thing. I found a couple of log cabins that I would really enjoy, too.

I know this one isn’t a tree house, but I just really love how huge the logs are. It’s so cool.

Now, this one has a perfect RV parking spot. This could be dream world.

Lastly, this is the world’s tallest log cabin which was built by a russian gangster. Oh… just try to picture what the inside of this house looks like.. I can’t do it. Maybe a lot of safes?

moustashion

For some reason I have seen a lot of moustaches on the internet lately. Apparently they are making a comeback and I don’t know how I feel about it. The comeback is not necessarily on the face, but in the wardrobe!

 

 

 

Girls all over the world are getting angry that they can’t grow a stash, so they have to wear one around their neck. I would say this is 2/6 as good as actually growing one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Babies have uprisen even more than women, because they can’t even grow some peach fuzz.

 

 

 

 

 

 

And this girl went for the gold and just got sticky moustache:

If you cover up her hair with your hands, she looks like she works in a street market in France. I can practically  hear her yelling ” baguette! baguette!” (but in french.) and with a Barry Manilow voice?